I have made a vow to myself under the oath of God to always be honest and noble hearted.
So it is my sins I must bear.
I have requested to be wise, but not foolish.
So it is my responsibility to acknowledge my transgressions.
I have demanded peace.
So it is my mind and soul that guides me — not my heart.
“Well, why not your heart?”
My heart carries the pain and love of those before me.
“What pain is that?”
A pain I deem unworthy to speak.
“Open your mouth and speak.”
I refuse this request. It is shameful to know.
“Open your mouth and speak.”
I look away. It is shameful to see.
“Open your mouth and look at what you’ve done.”
I close my ears. I do not want to listen.
“Hear me now, and show me your pain. Show me such pain that is greater than I. Hear me, and tell me what troubles you.”
Many burdens I carry, for they are not mine. No longer do I recognize them as they are.
Can a man be so wise he is foolish?
Can a king be so rich he is poor?
Must I look back and be turned to salt, or witness the beauty over yonder and deny the mass destruction behind me? Must I ignore it? Must I ignore myself?
Tell me. Is this a test?
Tell me if I’m none the wiser.
I swore honor and truth unto you, but never to myself.
So tell me. Must I lay my feet upon pastured ground when they are unclean and covered with filth?
I have opened my mind to those who lack there own. Must I close it and ignore their ignorance, or must I feed them and place them on a rock of knowledge?
I ask for my heart to be anew, yet one thing has remained the same.
A beautiful collapse of destruction that lays dormant behind me, awaiting my return.
Authors Note: This poem is about fear of judgement, due to one’s identity. What inspired this poem was my fear of rejection and the desire to somehow hold two truths at once. In this poem I constantly question myself and refuse to listen to my truth, and what I believe, due to the impressions of others. I hope the readers will feel the despair and sorrow I felt, while writing this and ultimately take away a message of holding what is true to you.
– Written by Princess Marks
Vol. 03 Absurdity
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